Originally published on Sheer Balance

A bad mood not only gives you a gloomy outlook, it also lowers your immune function, leading the way to illness. Here are some suggestions to lift your mood, your spirit, and your health.

1. A Laughing Matter
“Laugh Therapy,” pioneered by Norman Cousins, has turned out to have real substance. Research has discovered that laughter and joy boost immune functions, especially the production of the natural killer cells that help defend the body from illness and cancer.

Laughter also increases the release of endorphins – compounds that give you a sense of well-being – in your brain. Without a doubt, joyful people liver longer and healthier lives. So read your favorite comics, watch your favorite comedies, and laugh it up!

2. Amino Acid for Restored Mindset
When an imbalance or deficiency is creating a bad mood, the Europeans use supplements of a natural compound found in human cells to regulate mood and restore a healthy mindset. SAMe (S-adenosyl-L-methionine) is produced from methionine, an amino acid that plays a role in the production of uplifting neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine.

One study indicated that SAMe worked on patients who had unsuccessful results with conventional antidepressants. To get a boost from SAMe, take a supplement combining it with vitamins B6 and B12.

3. Hands-On Healing
Human touch increases the production of endorphins, growth hormone, and DHEA, all of which lengthen your life span and lower the negative impact of stress. Studies have found that patients who are regularly touched recover faster than those who are not touched. So give someone a hug and feel both of your moods improve.

4. Boost Your “Youth Hormones”
You don’t need pills to flood your body with a rejuvenating flood of growth hormones. Research has found that doing squats and leg presses will greatly increase your natural production of the “youth hormone”. Increased growth hormone translates to an elevated mood, among other physical benefits. Keep it up with weight training, knee bends, push-ups, and rowing.

5. Take a Bracing Breath
Breathing correctly is important for dispelling the toxins and wastes from your body; in fact, it is estimated that we expel only about 30 percent of toxins in our bodies through the bowels and bladder-the rest is all respiratory. Breathing is also a great way to clear your mind, boost your energy, and improve your mood. Practice deep, slow, rhythmic, breathing daily with mind-body disciplines such as tai chi, yoga, qigong, and meditation.

6. Smell the Joy
Research has shown that smell has a definite impact on our bodies and minds. When you stimulate the olfactory nerves inside your nose, you activate the limbic system of your brain, which is associated with moods and memory. This concept is instrumental to aromatherapy, a natural health tradition that makes use of the healing powers of plants with strong scents.

Aromatherapy recommends treating depression with jasmine, eucalyptus for exhilaration, and grapefruit to increase alertness and joy. Just put a dab of the essential oils from these plants on your temples, back of your neck, or acupressure points. Another option? Boil the herb in water and inhale the steam through your nose.

7. Feel Fine with Flowers
There is a reason that flowers are the traditional get-well gesture. Colorful flowers have a powerful influence on moods; they can uplift a patient’s mood and even combat stress. One study found that during a five-minute typing assignment, people sitting next to a flowering bouquet were more relaxed than those who sat near foliage-only plants.

I hope these tips help the good feelings flow! I invite you to visit often and share your own personal health and longevity tips with me.

May you live long, live strong, and live happy!

-Dr. Mao

Water is the elixir of life. Too many of us walk around de-hydrated and over the long-term this can hurt our vitality. Make it a habit to drink at least 30 oz of water every day.

2. Scrub your Skin

After a shower, take a wash cloth and literally scrub your body from head to toes. This removes dead skin cells and enables the skin to excrete toxins and “breathe” easier. Plus, you will look fantastic the next day. I highly recommend 1) scrubbing outside of the shower and 2) performing this routine 2x a week.

3. Wear comfortable Shoes

The feet are the workhorse of the body, and it is critical for our long-term health to take good care of them. ALWAYS wearing comfortable shoes is a great way to do this.

4. Sleep in the Dark

Light interferes with sleep, at least partly because it inhibits melatonin secretion and thus resets the biological clock. For this reason, it is very important to keep your bedroom as dark as possible to ensure full cycles of sleep. (if your room is not pitch black, I suggest using a sleeping mask)!

5. Eat Organic Foods whenever possible

Organic foods have less (if any) chemicals and pesticides than non-organic fare. The fewer chemicals you ingest, the more vital you will be!

6. Go to a Comedy Club once a Month

Falling on the floor laughing is one of the best things you can do to increase vitality in your life. Laughing boosts immunity, strengthens the heart, and improves lung function among a myriad of other benefits.

7. Use Hot Water Bottle

Placing a hot water bottle on the stomach (or lower back) at the end of the day does wonders for your “core”. The sensation of hot water aids digestion, calms the muscles, and provides an overall sense of relaxation. Use a hot water bottle when tension has taken hold of you.

8. Get Acupuncture

In my article 10 Simple Ways to Never Get Sick Again, I list Acupuncture as one of the best preventative measures for long-term health. Acupuncture can leave you feeling renewed and in touch with you “chi” of life force. Once a month is a wonderful idea!

9. Take Naps!

Taking periodic naps increases vitality and provides deep relaxation when the body needs it.

10. Eat Bigger Meal in the Middle of the Day

A great way to pamper your body is to get in the habit of eating your bigger meal in the middle of the day. Your digestion is much more active during the day. At night, the body naturally begins to slow down and it is harder to digest.

11. Use a Tongue Scraper

Scraping the tongue of unwanted bacteria is a great way to increase vitality. In the ancient Chinese philosophy of acupuncture, the appearance of the tongue is very telling of the overall health of the body. Scraping every day can make food taste better and even help prevent certain types of illness.

12. Get Frequent Massages

Massage stimulates increased blood flow to the muscles and tendons, and also generates a sense of deep relaxation. Plus, it feels so good! There is no better way to pamper yourself than to get frequent massages.

13. Give Frequent Massages

Giving a massage generates the same benefits for the person you are massaging, and providing this type of enjoyment for another person is a terrific way to feed the soul.

14. Stretch

Regular stretching improves blood circulation and increases energy levels! Proper stretching is like giving the muscles, tendons and joints a great big hug and is a wonderful preventative measure to take!

15. Eat Spicy foods

Integrating a diverse range of foods, and trying new ones, can stretch your internal bandwidth of acceptance and is a fantastic way increase vitality in your life.

16. Take a Fish oil Supplement every day

Taking a high quality fish oil supplement every day is crucial for long-term health. This supplement provides you with much needed omega-3 fatty acids and is especially high in the hard-to-get DHA compound. Fish oils are wonderful for the health of the heart!

17. Sing in your Car

Too many of us hoard our feelings deep within us, and this is not great over the long haul. Singing out loud elicits a wide range of emotions (depending on the type of music you are listening), and is an excellent way to increase vitality!

18. Get a Water Filter for your Shower

Filtering the water that comes from your shower lessens the amount of chemicals your skin comes in contact with. Over the long-term, this is excellent practice to increase vibrance (remember, the skin is the body’s largest organ and we HAVE to take good care of it).

19. Eat more leafy green Vegetables

In my article The 5 Greatest Foods for Your Health, I talk about the healthiest foods on the planet for long-term health: Kale (leafy green) is on the list. These vegetables contain the lifeblood of the planet, chlorophyll, and are so good for you that it would take two full pages to list their benefits.

20. Purposefully deal with Stress

Stress is the silent killer among mankind, and causes tremendous (and often unseen) inflammation in the body. To create a sense of vibrance in your life, it is necessary to implement habits that deal with stress. Breathing and meditation are wonderful practices for this.

21. Get a Pet or Plants

Having a pet can bring you unbound joy. If you can not have a pet, buying a few plants can serve the purpose. The point is, having other life around you creates vitality. YES, for those of you with kids, this is even better

22. Listen to Relaxing Music before you go to Bed

Making a habit of listening to relaxing music at the end of the day is great practice for long-term health. Light some candles and incense and really relax before you go to bed!

23. Plan a Vacation!

Nothing is better than planning a really great vacation, and consistently having things to look forward to is a great way to insure vivacity over the long haul.

24. Schedule Periodic Meals with Old Friends

In today’s super busy world, it is harder and harder to make the time for old friends. Making a conscious effort to get together with old buddies is excellent practice for maintaining a fertile mindset.

25. Implement 20 minutes of Aerobic Workout 4 times a week

Getting a sufficient “cardio” workout increases the body’s ability to get oxygen to the cells efficiently; this lowers blood pressure, reduce cholesterol and decrease body fat. These are absolute necessities for vitality.

On our new Eat This, Not That! Web site, we rounded up the best foods to munch on when you need a mental boost—and found studies that show, in fact, that you can be up to 200 percent more productive if you make the right eating choices. Stock up on these items to halt mental decline, jog your memory, sharpen your senses, improve your performance, activate your feel-good hormones, and protect your quick-witted sharpness, whether you’re 15, 40—or not admitting to any age whatsoever!

FOR SHORT-TERM MEMORY
Drink This!: COFFEE

Fresh-brewed joe is the ultimate brain fuel. Caffeine has been shown to retard the aging process and enhance short-term memory performance. In one study, British researchers found that just one cup of coffee helps improve attention and problem-solving skills.

Not That!: ENERGY DRINKS/TOO MUCH COFFEE

Ever heard of the concept “too much of a good thing”? If you OD on caffeine—too many cups, a jolt of caf from the late afternoon onward, a Red Bull cocktail—it can mess with your shuteye schedule. Sleep is reboot time for your mental computer, and you don’t want to mess with it.

FOR LONG-TERM MEMORY
Eat This!: BLUEBERRIES

Antioxidants in blueberries help protect the brain from free-radical damage and cut your risk of Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s diseases. They can also improve cognitive processing (translation: thinking). Wild blueberries, if you can find them, have even more brain-boosting antioxidants than the cultivated variety, so book that vacation in Maine now. The berries will ripen in July.

Not That!: THE UNRIPE AND UNREADY

Here’s a cool tip: if your favorite berries are out of season, buy them frozen. The freezer locks in peak flavor and nutrients, so the berries’ antioxidant capacity is maxed out. Those pale, tough, and expensive off-season berries usually ripen on a truck, rather than on the bush, so they’re nutritional imposters compared to the real thing.

For more smart shopping tips, point your grocery cart to THIS story and learn how to pick the most delicious and nutritious while controlling your waistline!

TO THINK FASTER
Eat This!: SALMON OR MACKEREL

If the Internal Revenue Service picks you for some up-close-and-personal auditing, you’ll want to be on your toes when they vet your deductions list. So put salmon or mackerel on the grocery list. The omega-3 fatty acids found in fatty fishes are a primary building block of brain tissue, so they’ll amp up your thinking power. Salmon is also rich in niacin, which can help ward off Alzheimer’s disease and slow the rate of cognitive decline.

Not That!: FULL-FAT ICE CREAM

Not all fats are created equal: Beware foods high in saturated fats, which can clog blood vessels and prevent the flow of nutrients and blood to the brain. Ice cream is not a brain-health food.

TO ENERGIZE:
Eat This!: HIGH-PROTEIN SALAD WITH VINAIGRETTE

The oil in the dressing will help slow down digestion of protein and carbs in the salad, stabilizing blood-sugar levels and keeping energy levels high. Build your salad on a bed of romaine and spinach for an added boost in riboflavin, and add chicken and a hard-boiled egg for more energizing protein.

For other tips on how to build the perfect salad, check out the Eat This, Not That! ultimate salad selector.

Not That!: PANCAKES OR BAGELS

MIT researchers analyzed blood samples from a group of people who had eaten either a high-protein or a high-carbohydrate breakfast. Two hours after eating, the carb eaters had tryptophan levels four times higher than those of the people who had eaten protein. The tryptophan in turkey is one of the reasons you crawl off for an afternoon nap after Thanksgiving dinner. So watch what you gobble.

TO CALM DOWN
Eat This!: LOW-FAT YOGURT OR MIXED NUTS

Scientists in Slovakia gave people 3 grams each of two amino acids—lysine and arginine—or a placebo, and asked them to deliver a speech. Blood measurements of stress hormones revealed that the amino acid-fortified guys were half as anxious during and after the speech as those who took the placebo. Yogurt is one of the best food sources of lysine; nuts pack loads of arginine.

Not That!: SODA

A study from the American Journal of Public Health found that people who drink 2½ cans of soda daily are three times more likely to be depressed and anxious, compared with those who drink fewer. So Mountain Dew is a Mental Don’t.

TO CONCENTRATE
Eat This!: PEPPERMINT TEA

The scent of peppermint helps you focus and boosts performance, according to researchers. Need to reach Chicago before nightfall, and you’re stuck in traffic around Cleveland? One study found that peppermint makes drivers more alert and less anxious.

Not That!: CANDY

Sugary foods incite sudden surges of glucose that, in the long term, cause sugar highs and lows, leading to a fuzzy state of mind. So you’ll need to avoid all the attention-busting sugar bombs on this list of the 20 most sugar-packed foods in America.

FOR GOOD MOODS AND GRINS
Eat This! ARUGULA OR SPINACH SALAD

Leafy greens—arugula, chard, spinach—are rich sources of B vitamins, which are key components on the assembly line that manufactures feel-good hormones such as serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine. According to a study published in the Journal of Neuroscience Nursing, a lack of B6 can cause nervousness, irritability, and even depression.

Not That!: WHITE CHOCOLATE

White chocolate isn’t chocolate at all, since it contains no cocoa solids. So it won’t stimulate the euphoria-inducing mood boosters like serotonin, as real chocolate does. Grab the real thing, the darker the better. More cacao means more happy chemicals and less sugar, which will eventually pull you down.

FOR SHARPER SENSES
Eat This!: 1 TBSP OF GROUND FLAXSEED DAILY

Flax is the best source of alphalinoleic, or ALA—a healthy fat that improves the workings of the cerebral cortex, the area of the brain that processes sensory information, including that of pleasure. To meet your quota, sprinkle it on salads or mix it into a smoothie or shake.

Not That!: ALCOHOL

This one’s obvious, but worth mentioning anyway. A drink or two can increase arousal signals, but more than that will actually depress your nervous system. This makes you sloppy, not sharp.

Want more of all of the best and worst foods in America? Click here for the complete list of drinks, snacks, drive-thru foods, burgers, salads and everything else under the sun!

By David Zinczenko, with Matt Goulding

002. Nickname(s)→ Pao, Lyn, Lory

004. Zodiac sign → Scorpio

005. Male or female → Female

006. Elementary → St Paul College Paranque, Mary Immaculate Parish Special School

008. High School → Mary Immaculate Parish Special School

009. College School → Pamantasan Ng Lungsod Ng Maynila

010. Hair color → Black

011. Long or short → both

012. Loud or Quiet → Both

013. Jumpers or Jeans → Jeans

014. Phone or Camera → Can be None

015. Health freak → not really

016. Drink or Smoke? → None

017. Do you have a crush on someone? → yes

018. Eat or Drink → Both

019. Piercings → Ears

020. Tattoos → None

021. Social or Anti-Social → both

022. Righty or Lefty → Lefty

FIRSTS:

023. First piercing → When i was a baby

024. First best friend → When i was in grade 2

025. First award → 1st honor when I was in kindergarten

026. First crush →A Family Friend

027. First relationship → When i was in grade 6! But it last for 3 days only

028. First pet → dog

029. First big vacation → in Baguio when i was 4 yrs old

030. First big birthday → 1 yr Old

032. First Surgery → no surgeries

033. First sport you joined → Basketball

034. Orange or Apple juice → orange

035. Rock or Rap → it depends on my mood

036. Country or Screamo → country

037. NSYNC or Backstreet boys → I love them both

038. Britney spears or Christina Aguilera → Christina Aguilera

039. Night or Day → Night

040. Sun or Moon → Moon

041. TV or Internet → Internet

042. Playstation or Xbox →None

043. Kiss or hug → Hug

044. Iguana or turtle → Turtle

045. Spider or bee → None

046. Fall or spring → Spring

047. Limewire or iTunes → I like both

048. Soccer or baseball → Baseball

CURRENTLY:

049. Eating → nothing

050. Drinking → water

051. Excitement Level → Moderate

052. I’m about to → go home

053. Listening to → the mp3s in my work PC

054. Plans for today → Go home fast and Play Xilero!!! ^^

055. Waiting for → 6:00pm to strike in the clock

056. Energy Level → 80%

057. Thinking of someone → someone so stupid!!! T_T

YOUR FUTURE:

058. Want kids? → Yes somehow

059. Want to get married? → 20% yes

060. When? → Dont know, No plans Yet

061. How many kids do you want → 1 or 2

062. Any name on the mind → None

063. What did you want to be when you were little → a doctor, artist, teacher

064. Careers in mind → No direction

065. Mellow future or wild → mellow future

066. Something you would never try → Jump off the building

067. When do you want to die → anytime

(WHICH IS BETTER IN THE BOY/GIRL YOU LIKE?

068. Lips or eyes → Eyes

069. Romantic or Funny → Funny

070. Shorter or taller → taller

071. Protective or Caring → Caring

072. Romantic or spontaneous → Spontaneous

073. Nice stomach or nice arms → None

074. Sensitive or loud→ Sensitive

075. Hook-up or relationship → relationship

076. Trouble maker or hesitant→alien type

077. Muscular or Normal → normal

078. Kissed a stranger → never

079. Broken a bone → no

HAVE YOU EVER:

080. Lost glasses/contacts → no

081. Ran away from home → nope

082. Held a gun/knife for self defense →nope

083. Killed somebody → In game a lot.. In real life never

084. Broke someone’s heart → I think I did

085. Been arrested → nope

087. Cried when someone died → yup

088. Liked a friend more than a friend →Yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

089. Yourself → somehow

090. Miracles → yes

091. Love at first sight → no

092. Heaven → yes

093. Santa Claus → no

094. Tooth Fairy → no

095. Kiss on the first date → never

096. Angels → yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

097. Is there one person you want to be with right now → Yes

098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life → No

099. Do you believe in God → Yes!

100. Post as 100 truths and tag

Every couple needs to take certain steps — six, to be precise — that turn the two of you into not just you and me but we. You may not move through all the steps in order, and you may circle back to complete certain steps again (and again and again). But if you make it through them all, you’ll be well on your way toward creating a relationship that will be your shelter as long as you both shall live. Here’s how to make your “forever” fantastic.

Step #1: Find a shared dream for your life together.

It’s easy to get caught up in the small stuff of a life together: What’s for dinner tonight? Whose turn is it to clean the litter box? Did you pay the electric bill? But the best partners never lose sight of the fact that they’re working together to achieve the same big dreams. “Successful couples quickly develop a mindfulness of ‘us,’ of being coupled,” says Redbook Love Network expert Jane Greer, Ph.D., a marriage and family therapist in New York City. “They have a shared vision, saying things like, ‘We want to plan to buy a house, we want to take a vacation to such-and-such a place, we like to do X, we think we want to start a family at Y time.’”

This kind of dream-sharing starts early. “Couples love to tell the story of how they met,” points out Julie Holland, M.D., a psychiatrist in private practice in New York City and a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine. “It’s like telling a fairy tale. But happy couples will go on creating folklore and history, with the meet-cute forming the bedrock of the narrative.” As you write and rewrite your love story (“our hardest challenge was X, our dream for retirement is Y”), you continually remind yourselves and each other that you’re a team with shared values and goals. And P.S.: When you share a dream, you’re a heck of a lot more likely to make that dream come true.

Step #2: Choose each other as your first family.

For years, you were primarily a member of one family: the one in which you grew up. Then you got married, and suddenly you became the foundation of a new family, one in which husband and wife are the A-team. It can be tough to shift your identity like this, but it’s also an important part of building your self-image as a duo (and maybe, eventually, as three or four or…).

For me, making this transition meant stopping the incessant complaining to my mom when I was mad at my husband — my behavior was disloyal, and I had to learn to talk to Jonathan, not about him. My friend Lynn tells the story of her mother’s reaction to a trip to the Middle East she and her then-boyfriend (now husband) had planned. Her mother hit the roof, calling incessantly to urge Lynn not to go. Eventually, Lynn’s boyfriend got on the phone with Mom and explained why they were excited to share this experience. “It was clear then that we were the team,” Lynn says now. “Not teaming up against my mother, but teaming up together to deal with her issues.”

Whatever your challenges — an overprotective mom? an overly critical father-in-law? — you have to outline together the boundaries between you and all of the families connected to you. Not only will you feel stronger as a united front but when you stick to your shared rules, all that family baggage will weigh on you a lot less.

Step #3: Learn how to fight right.

I’m embarrassed to think of how I coped with conflict early in my relationship with Jonathan. I stormed out — a lot. I once threw an apple at his head. Hard. (Don’t worry, I missed — on purpose.) I had a terrible habit of threatening divorce at the slightest provocation. But eventually I figured that this was pretty moronic. I didn’t want out, and I knew that pelting someone with fruit was not a long-term marital strategy.

“Fighting is the big problem every couple has to deal with,” says Daniel B. Wile, Ph.D., a psychologist and couples therapist in Oakland, CA, and author of “After the Fight”. That’s because fights will always come up, so every couple needs to learn how to fight without tearing each other apart.

Fighting right doesn’t just mean not throwing produce; it means staying focused on the issue at hand and respecting each other’s perspective. Couples that fight right also find ways to defuse the tension, says Wile — often with humor. “Whenever one of us wants the other to listen up, we mime hitting the TV remote, a thumb pressing down on an invisible mute button,” says Nancy, 52, an event producer in San Francisco. “It cracks us up, in part because it must look insane to others.” Even if you fight a lot, when you can find a way to turn fights toward the positive — with a smile, a quick apology, an expression of appreciation for the other person — the storm blows away fast, and that’s what matters.

Step #4: Find a balance between time for two and time for you.

Jonathan and I both work at home. This frequently leads to murderous impulses. Though I’m typing away in the bedroom and he’s talking to his consulting clients in our small home office, most days it really feels like too much intimacy for me.

But that’s my bias. When it comes to togetherness, every couple has its own unique sweet spot. “There are couples that are never apart and there are couples that see each other only on weekends,” Greer says. With the right balance, neither partner feels slighted or smothered. You have enough non-shared experiences to fire you up and help you maintain a sense of yourself outside the relationship — not to mention give you something to talk about at the dinner table. But you also have enough time together to feel your connection as a strong tie rather than as a loose thread.

Your togetherness needs will also change over time, so you’ll have to shift your balance accordingly. “My husband and I spend a lot of time together, but it’s almost all family time,” says Katie, 40, a mom of two in San Leandro, CA. “We realized a few months ago that we hadn’t had a conversation that didn’t involve the kids or our to-do lists in ages, so we committed to a weekly date. We were so happy just to go to the movies and hold hands, something we hadn’t done in ages. It felt like we were dating again!”

Step #5: Build a best friendship.

Think about the things that make your closest friendships irreplaceable: the trust that comes with true intimacy, the willingness to be vulnerable, the confidence that the friendship can withstand some conflict. Don’t those sound like good things to have in your relationship with your signficant other, too?

“Happy couples are each other’s haven,” says Holland. “They can count on the other person to listen and try to meet their needs.” Greer adds, “When you’re true friends, you acknowledge and respect what the other person is; you don’t try to control or change them. This creates a sense of safety and security when you’re together — you know you’re valued for who you are and you see the value in your partner.”

Then there’s the way, when you’ve been with someone a while, that you become almost a mind reader. You have a shared history and inside jokes. Your guy knows what you’ll find funny, you forward him links to articles you know he’ll enjoy, and best of all, you two can make eye contact at a given moment and say volumes without opening your mouths. And is there anything more pleasurable than sharing the newspaper with someone? Sitting in companionable silence, absorbed in your respective reading, sipping coffee, occasionally reading something out loud, but mostly just lazing happily together, communing without needing to speak? Ahh….

Step #6: Face down a major challenge together.

You’re sailing along through life, and suddenly you hit a huge bump. A serious illness. Unemployment. The loss of a home. A death in the family. How do you cope?

“The truth is, you never know how strong your relationship is until it’s tested.”

The truth is, you never know how strong your relationship is until it’s tested. All too often, the stress of a crisis can pull a couple apart. But the good news is, when you do make it through in one piece, you might just find yourselves tighter than ever.

“What didn’t happen to us?” says Daryl, 28, a preschool teacher in Harrisburg, PA. “My husband lost his job and took a minimum-wage job he was way overqualified for just to make ends meet. He was offered a better job in a mountain town outside San Diego, so we moved. Then during the California wildfires several years ago, our house burned down and we lost everything. We were living in a one-room converted garage with no running water and a newborn. But we found that this chaos somehow brought us even closer together. We took turns losing it. We really kept each other sane.”

Hey, being a couple is no roll in the hay. It’s tough, real work. But the reward, the edifice you build together that will shelter you through years of tough times, is more than worth the effort. The small, friendly cottage you build — decorated with your shared history and stories, filled with color and laughter — will be the warmest and safest retreat you can imagine.

Like all men, I’ve committed some royal screwups when it comes to women. But as your resident male columnist, I’ve also made some observations about different types of daters that deserve to be passed along. Consider this your road map for where you don’t want to go in your love life.

1. Rebound Guy
Knowing how bummed I’ve been since my ex Claudia left for Europe, my buddy tried to set me up with his “hot coworker.” Very kind of him, but I declined. With my heart stuck in international customs, there’s no way I could make a connection. Not that I wasn’t tempted. We men secretly hope we’ll never have to deal with our feelings and instead can “fix” our sadness with a new woman. Problem is, we’re always comparing her to the ex—how she is in bed, how her butt looks in jeans. Real mature stuff that you’d be wise to avoid by dating us after we’ve healed.

Check out the dos and don’ts of long-distance love!

2. Disappearing Guy
Some seemingly normal guys have a bad habit of vanishing. Excuses like “work’s really busy” may be true, but there’s often something else going on. My old roommate tried to woo his new girlfriend while still dating his old one. I also know someone who told a woman he was single in New York, although he was married in Ohio. Both guys checked out for days at a time.

When you’re just starting to date, it’s not like you’re tracking a person’s every movement. Still, the giveaway is erratic contact—is he in touch every day and then suddenly MIA? Does he often cancel plans? Or does he suddenly want to meet up in an hour, after not calling all week? Beware. 5 secrets all guys keep from you!

3. Slick Guy
With his sporty car, high-tech cell phone and Swedish designer toothbrush, my college roommate managed to hide his insecurity behind hip stuff. He never let women get close for fear they’d find him out. So women wound up feeling rejected when he was the one who sucked.

My advice: If his life looks like a magazine spread, steer clear. Say what you will about the guy who has a painting of poker-playing dogs or a mountain of laundry, but I promise you this: He’s real.

8 things guys say they hate about women but secretly love.

4. Rude Guy
I’m amazed at what men get away with. A partial list of nasty moves I’ve witnessed: checking out the waitress, fiddling with a BlackBerry during dinner, asking the cute bartender for her number when his date is in the bathroom. If a man lets the door slam shut instead of opening it for you, make that all the closure you need.

5. Grabby Guy
Hands on thighs, stroking things that didn’t ask to be stroked, sexual innuendos when you barely know each other—he may try to explain these things with an “Oh, I’m so attracted to you I can’t help it” line. But no matter how smokin’ hot you are, he can help it. And if you’re not getting the respect you want early on, he probably won’t surprise you with it later.

Find out his top 10 sex wishes here!

6. Last Year’s Guy
Long nights and a fear of being single forever can make going back to an ex seem mighty attractive. I’ve been guilty of it twice, both during lonely times in the dead of winter. Recycling romance seemed far easier than the unknown, and it was…for the two months before we rediscovered exactly why we broke up in the first place. What’s the lesson here? Move forward, not back. And know that it’s better to be out there looking than stuck on a couch with some guy you’re just going to wind up dumping anyway. He might be happy, but you deserve more.

by Glamour Magazine

“For what it’s worth, it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit… start whenever you want… you can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that stop you. I hope you feel things that you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

Luckily, the fantastic fitness team at SELF let me in on a little secret: You can get an hour’s worth of fitness and calorie burning in 20 short minutes. Yes, I was skeptical at first, but this fat-blasting routine is as ultraeffective as it is speedy, and the secret lies in high-intensity spurts of energy. Here’s how to do it:

• Pick any cardio you like (running, swimming, the elliptical trainer). Warm up for 2 minutes at a moderate pace, then sprint for 30 seconds at the highest intensity you can muster. Slow down and do 90 seconds at a catch-your-breath recovery pace. Repeat eight times. You’ll torch more calories in less time, while you burn fat faster. Follow this cardio session with a few of the following fast firmers for a total-body workout in less than 30 minutes.

• Tighten your tummy: Do two sets of 10 to 12 crunches on a stability ball. Research from the University of Auckland, Tamaki Campus, in New Zealand, revealed that using the ball makes crunches 20 percent more effective compared to hitting the floor.

• Firm up legs: Stand on left foot, hands on hips, and bring right knee to hip level in front. Trace a horizontal figure eight in front of you with knee. Then bend left knee and hop to right, landing on right foot. Repeat figure eight with left knee, then hop back to left to complete one rep. Do 10 reps, then hop back and forth 10 times to complete one set.

• Boost your bottom: Stand with feet hip-width apart, hands on waist. Shift weight to left foot and lift heel of right foot so you’re resting on toes. Bend left knee and sink hips back, keeping weight off right foot (toes stay on ground). Rise up. Do 12 reps on left leg, then switch legs and repeat.

• Bare amazing arms: Holding a dumbbell in each hand, stand with feet hip-width apart. Raise arms, palms down, out and slightly forward to shoulder height. Slowly lower them behind you so weights almost touch. Do 12 reps.

• Slim all over: Stand with feet hip-width apart. Keeping legs as straight as possible, bend forward and walk hands out until they’re under shoulders. Do two push-ups, then walk hands back and stand. Repeat twice, doing four push-ups, then six.

Ready for more tested toners? Check out Self.com for tips, tools and trimming tricks.